Christmas fail

cheer This holiday season was a disaster.

I didn't have much going on outside of the house, no travel plans like usual. apart from a dinner with a friend the weekend before the holidays really started, my calendar was empty. and I was happy about it because I had so many things I wanted to work on at my desk, in the house, you know, some reading, some writing, a bit of Netflix watching and some cooking and baking.

Things didn't quite turn out how I hoped.

I made what was to be a sumptuous curry salmon dish one day, but it was completely tasteless as if I had sprinkled the seasonings on the plastic outer package the fish came in. But I can't waste good food so I ate it, while trying to give thanks for something. 

A day passed and I  felt brave enough to try my luck again. This time it was an apple bread pudding. But it baked and baked until the top was brown and the bottom remained soggy and as much as I tried, I just couldn't stomach it. 

The weekend continued in this vein and then it was Christmas Day. I tried once more to create something in the kitchen. This time it was cheddar scones. I followed the instructions, but my oven must have a mind of its own because they came out burned. I didn't realize the outcome when I quickly showed the fruits of my labor on snapchat, but soon after while trying to eat one I almost choked to death. They were so dried out! 

This must be what it would feel like to live and then die alone?
— Me to myself

I think if things went according to plan it would have been quite delightful and I would not have for one second felt regret about my decision to be alone. But with everything going haywire in the kitchen it just made me realize that when you're alone, not only the is good amplified, but also the bad. To me, the silence of solitude is the sweetest sound, and as I have recently learned, solo culinary mishaps are truly a disaster. 

Well, it's not the worst thing that can happen to a person, however after this, I don't think i'll be spending another holiday season alone again, if I can help it. I still firmly believe that it's better to be alone than in bad company, but there's always good company somewhere around for me.